How I save my mental energy.

Number one: Practice mindfulness

When you put yourself out for others without practice of any mindfulness your soon be drained when you don’t know how to protect yourself.

Number two: Give permission.

Give yourself permission to help others but always close the doors after, by this I mean tell yourself they do not have permission to use your energy. You can practice this with meditation.

Number three: Acknowledgement.

Ever get the feeling of anger or sadness over come you so strong for no reason? Acknowledge your environment be present your come to find you are taking in someone else’s emotions like a sponge and acknowledgement is a step closer to controlling it.

Remind yourself of these three rules daily and you will find that it really helps you be who you want to be.

I sometimes still let people in and I can become very fatigued so When I step aside and practice this everything makes sense again.

Today I have given time to myself that means no one else’s energy has permission to enter mine and if that means spending time alone with just me and the pup then so be it.

My wild flowers.

I’m energy saving for the next day and that is important. you will find your way of saving energy and mine is being with nature.

Finding small hobbies have saved me from wasting time over thinking keep yourself busy and use your energy on something beautiful that deserves it.

Dealing with Anxiety in today’s society.

Learning how to fit into a society with crippling anxiety is draining , somedays every thought it consumed by your other self who whispers irrational ideas in your head , creates paranoia and self doubt.

Anxiety is not what society typically describes as your panic attack scenario, it creeps out in other ways, you can forget who your true self is when your anxiety infests your brain like a parasite.

Some people have anxiety due to trauma , some people have anxiety that comes along with depression, some people suffer with it every day and some may suffer from anxiety for just one day.

It is different for every indiviual.

They tell you “do breathing exercises , eat healthier , get to bed early and don’t drink caffeine” you can invest all the time in the world reading self help books, meditate , exercise and stay away from negative people.

You know you can improve your anxiety but its there for life it may come to stay for just a while then leave again. You can feel so alone all your friends are moving forward they have their lives under control but what about mine?

You feel guilty that you have no reason to feel this way, your life is good and you should be grateful for all you have.

You make your self ill with worry and your body listens , your immune system is low and you are exhausted from the insomnia.

This is how I often feel , I know their are other young people like me and I hope just expressing how it feels to be suffering from anxiety alleviates you when you feel alone.

I have quit two job’s because the environment was not helping my mental health , I have gone without money because I know my sanity is more important.

My big step to recovery is excepting that this is who I am , I except I cannot work in certain environments, I except that working long hours does not benefit me, I except that I need help and support from professionals and I am very lucky to have the support from my partner, family and friends.

My next step is finding the Job that will save me from my own anxiety disorder.

DIY Spring Rosemary Wreath.

Now I’m no expert as your see in the pictures below but this was really fun to make.

Late last year I got into gardening, I’m lucky to have a quarter of an acre in the back and a nice small front garden.

It was never managed well till last year we payed for gardeners to get rid of all the over growth so now we are starting to get green hands.

What better way to start by making your own DIY wreath from plants in your own garden!

It is messy but i like the natural look.

My Rosemary bush in the front garden needed trimming back quite a lot , I felt bad just chucking the trimmings away because they smell so delicious!

I used garden wire for the base I twisted the wire into a sturdy circle shape.

Then adding the rosemary branches around it, some would naturally fall into place I had tied the branches to the base. I cut the wire using a wire cutter and then found a hook for the front door.

I didn’t buy any new tools or equipment I used everything in my garden so no money was spent, the Rosemary wreath lasted a good 2 months on my front door.

Another idea to make your home smell like Herbs and yummy roast potatoes I used the rest of the rosemary in my home I simply popped them in a vase with water as you would with flowers .

Quick simple and yet beautiful.

High school sweethearts

9 years in November, don’t ask us what date it was because we have forgotten it!

We made up a date for the 23rd of November a couple of years back just so we can celebrate it, we don’t really celebrate anything else properly not valentines day nor birthdays as big as our anniversary.

We met at school in maths, growing up together my partner always knew who he was within himself, full of confidence and didn’t care about being judged.

Me I didn’t want to be judged by no-one I would just do and say what everyone else was doing, smoking yep I’d do that if they were, drinking , I would lie to Niall alot you know your typical teenager stuff.

Me and Niall ages 15 (photoshoot for my dads acting projects)

moving on fast forwarding to only a couple of years ago (I’m feeling 22 haha) my partner was living with his dad and step mum and I lived with my Mum and dad.

We both had a chat and decided to open a joint savings account we sat there and calculated if we put this amount in a month each it will take us 5 years to save for a deposit while living at home, it seems like a long time but we were excited. Off to the bank we went and we put our first 150 pounds each in.

We got to about 2 grand after about 6 months I was studying and working at the same time on low wages and he worked full time so for us this was great.

Mine and Niall first holiday to Turkey.

Than my partner recieved the bad news his dad was diagnosed with aggressive cancer.

The prognosis wasn’t good he had approximately 5-8 weeks to live he only lasted 5 weeks. He passed away at home.

Everything was so different from then on for them, I couldn’t imagine the pain that him and his sister were feeling.

All I could do was just be there for them even if it was in silence we would all go to a cafe just sit ,think and stare into space.

For me his family was my family I had grown up with them, unfortunately all he really had left was his sister, grandad and a few family members who lived miles away on the isle of wight.

Niall his dad Mike and sister Dee on Mikes wedding day in Crete June 2016

My partner and his sister didn’t always see eye to eye with their step mum, either did I at times, most the time things were kept neutral but once his father passed things changed. after 3-4 weeks tension built and his sister was chucked out with no where to go, they hadn’t even gone back to work yet.

He couldn’t leave his sister chucked out while he lived cosy and warm in his room around his step mum, it didn’t sit right with his morals.

What they have achieved since.

Niall moved in with me and my parents and his sister Dee luckily had a good friend to take her in. The money was lost that we saved so we started fresh.

You could say they have been dragged through the bushes backwards but they have come out the other end a stronger person.

Niall works so hard his best friend has given him an apprenticeship in mechanics that is keeping him busy, he previously worked at a auction house and has got a license to ride a motorbike. My dad and himself have a great bond and spend hours in the garden pottering about in the shed, we recently got engaged and we are saving to move out again.

Both of us now.

We have a great relationship with his sister Dee she comes round to visit me and my mum often for dinner , we always make time to see each other chatting about future weddings, babies and our dogs. All three of us travel to the isle of Wight to visit their Grandad often and Dee has recently got excepted into university for adult Nursing.

Dee runs for charity in memory of her father she has raised a lot of money for the hospice her father wanted to spend his last days at but sadly didn’t make it.

To me family is so important don’t wait till you lose a loved one to realise it, in a way the passing of my father in-law has pulled us all together, we all appreciate each other more, every day is a blessing. They have both made amazing achievements I am so proud of them both.

This is only a story about how I observed the passing of my father in-law I hope to one day write about it from their words and how they remember the event and coped with the loss of their father.

This blog was going to be about me and Niall but as I sit here writing about us I realised that the event taken place in his life had also effected us as a couple, everyone has an impact on your life that you may not even know about, it has transformed us into an unbreakable couple and family.

Although sadly Mike will miss the big achievements his children will make would they follow the path they are following today if he was beside them.

I believe the change in their mind set has given them opportunity to make these achievements, the saying of “you got nothing to lose” does apply to their life.

In Loving memory of a great father who enjoyed his holidays in the sun, loved his beer, football and a hot curry.

Mid-week deliciously tasteful salad.

I thought it would be nice to share my dad’s salad recipe, we don’t like boring salads in our house.

We have always made tasteful salad’s before “colourful salad” was a trend. This is probably the reason I finished my dinner and would eat my greens when I was young.

To start:

  • Add a big handful of spinach
  • Add chopped cucumber
  • Add 1 whole Avocado
  • Add chopped tomatoes
  • Add finely chopped celery
  • Add chopped gherkin
  • Add diced beetroot
  • Add tinned black chickpeas
  • A Tablespoon of flaxseed
  • A Tablespoon of mixed seed
  • A Tablespoon of piccalilli mustard
  • A squeeze of lemon
  • Pinch of Himalayn salt
  • Pinch of Pepper.

To finish lightly fry sugar snaps and mangetout in olive oil and add to the salad.

Moving on …

Next cook up some Ditali pasta add lemon juice and decorate with tomatoes.

Not everyone likes mushroom but we added fried chestnut mushrooms to our meal and of course we finish the meal with stone baked rolls and stuffed vine leaves pictured below.


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When I found out I was an Empath.

An empath is someone who takes on others emotions, it can become so draining and exhausting that most people say it has a negative effect on them, it had on me the last couple of years working in a profession that was high pressured to give adequate medical care to peoples beloved pets in a highly demanding job.

When one team member would have a bad day soon after I was too, it was a ripple affect I came into work feeling fine and confident now all of a sudden I have taken on the persons emotions. It was normal to effect the rest of the team when someone was down in the dumps but I would take this emotion home with me and replay it like pressing a button over and over again.

It was easier when on a shift “out the back” you could chat to your team member and support each other through the day and of course animals never gave off the same emotional attack humans did.

Being on shift on “the front line” I was an emotional sponge for up to 100 people a day I would go home with migraines and started to have night terrors, you could feel the emotions of up to 30 people in one waiting room once a client leaves another would turn up for a appointment.

The same would happen on a night shift with the constant emergency calls.

I have always been an emotional person I cry a drop of a hat, I am sensitive !

One day I spoke to my parents I told them that when someone is in emotional pain I instantly feel their pain, it wasn’t the saying “ow I feel bad for you” I had terrible pains in my chest, it would be a person walking by I don’t know and I would feel this pain when I look at them. I would sense if the person was troubled.

I could also tell you when a certain person is fake and not genuine, the amount of times no one has believed me about “their new friend” who then turns out not a very good person.

Thats when my dad told me I am an empath, call it what you want sensitive or overly emotional i’m going to find the positives in being one.

My sweet Nan and Dad pictured below.

My Career

Veterinary Nursing Assistant

How many times me and my friends have to explain “no we are not veterinary surgeons” when explaining that we are also not veterinary nurses it all gets very confusing for everyone, We end up telling them we are like Health care assistants but for animals.

Being a veterinary nursing assistant isn’t always a recognised profession, it is only really heard of in the uk and even then private veterinary practices don’t employ us. You will find us working at big charity hospitals like the Blue cross, PDSA, RSPCA. I have 3 1/2 years experience working at a busy hospital doing long shifts and night shifts included.

I qualified late last year and earned my badge I finally had the qualification to start a great career little did I know that I was struggling with my mental health after working so hard I found that my job was effecting me severely , so for now I have decided to take time away from being a veterinary nursing assistant and start a new journey (to have a break from my previous role) and take on the role as a veterinary receptionist.

Who knows what my future holds ? I may move away from the veterinary profession all together or go on to do my Veterinary Nursing, it is a confusing time for me at the moment and I don’t want to make a decision.